Haku and the Hokage's great Niece
by I-LOVE-HAKU
Summary: The hokage's great niece is coming to hidden leaf, to study abroad, but not if Haku and Zabuza have anything to say about it! HakuXoc ZabuXanko NOshonenAI! Review please! Updated at long last!
1. Chapter 1: Naruto's a bodygard?

Title: Haku and the Hokage's great nice 

Summary: What happens when Haku meets the daughter of the hokage's parnoid nice? Read and find out...

(A/N: I dont own Naruto, but i REALLY wish i owned Haku...)

(a/n: The third hokage, not Tsunade)

Chapter one: Naruto Body Gaurd?  
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Dear uncle Hokage,

My daughter (the youngest, Kohitsuji) has decided to study abroad in the land of fire. I half heartedly agreed, because i knew she could stay with you and konohamaru (otherwise i would have said NO!) As you know, she's not a ninja; she's coming to study art at a shcool near the villafe hidden in the leaves. Since she's not a ninja,...I DEMAND THAT YOU SEND BODYGUARDS TO ESCORT HER TO THE VILLAGE! JONIN, ANBU, THE BEST YOU'VE GOT! I DEMAND THE BEST PROTECTION FOR MY BABY! I WANT THE BEST YOU'VE GOT ON THIS! (or else!)

Anyway, you can send them to pick her up at the south of the village hidden in the light. (You know, the country so small people don't even know were alive! - that bugs me--)Please send them on the 15th. She'll be waiting!

Love your dearset nice,  
Akagewasu -  
The hokage sighed and put the letter down on his desk. The letter had been post marked for the 2nd, but why was he only just reading it now? Now... the 14th...( DUN-DUN-DUN ).

"Darn those interns for putting this letter at the bottom of my stack of papers.Hmm...none of the jonin are expendible right now, and i certainly can't send Anbu for this...,"thought the hokage as he store at the steam rising out of his coffe.

The hokage, however, was the best in the land of fire, and quikly figuerd out a solution.  
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"You said you needed to talk old man, but make it quick...there's a buy one get one free ramen sale,"Naruto winned as he slummped into the chair across from the hokage.

'this better work' thought the hokage as he prepared to give his speech.

" Naruto, and urgent matter has arrisen, and i belive that you'er the best gennin for the job," Hokage started.

'ohhhhhhhhhh the BEST! hehehe... he picked me! i'm even better than sasuke!'thought Naruto.

"Well...come on... out with it," Naruto cheered.

"You are to be at the spot located on that map by noon tomarrow.You will then help to escort a young woman back to the village.Simple enough, don't you think?" The hokage explaind.

Naruto sat and pondered for a minute.He knew he'd have to use a great deal of chakra to get all the way to light country.

"ok. But what's in it for me," he asked demonically.

'crap! The kid knows i'm desperate', thought the hokage nervously.

"Um...you can wear my hat when you get back. Yes,yes you can show it off to your genin team!"the hokage offerd.

"Ok, you got your slef a deal... but i also want THAT ramen," naruto replied.

The hokage cringed.How did a kid know about THAT ramen anyway?What a little brat!

"Alright, fine"said the hokage as Naruto's smile widend,"but only if Kohitsuji gives me a good report!"

-  
A/N: Kohitsuji Lamb

Akageasu cow Akachan (thier last name) Baby

Haku will be brought in soon, after all it is a romance! HakuXKohitsuji

possible anko x Zabuza


	2. Chapter 2:Enter kohitsuji!

-----Standard diclaimer--------

-----Standard dirty thoughts about Haku--(wich is an oxymoron if you think about it :)

Chapter 2: Enter Kohisuji!

Naruto collapsed agianst a tree the next day at 11:45. He'd running with chakra surging from his feet all day yesterday, and all lat night and this morning. He'd made it all the way to the outskirts of hidden in the light, and hoped he'd find this 'Kohitsuji' girl soon.

Suddenly, naruto felt a strong chakra aproching. He so was so weak and tired, but he needed to do somthing! Anything! Adn with out thinking, he used his lowest chakra-nessesary Jutsu. The sexyjustu! (ninja centerfold).

"Ewww! Put some clothes on lady,"he heard a girl scream.

Naruto undid the justu and turned around. There was a girl with brown hair and eyes, who looked about 14 giving him a disgusted glare. She then noticed his head band though, and seemed to forget about the whole naked woman thing.

"Oh, you must be that ninja mom asked to bring me to the land of fire," she said.

"Heh, so your Kohitsuji,"Naruto replied.

Kohitsuji nodded and told Naruto it would be alright if he rested for a little while before they left for the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, back at the Hokage's office:

Akagewasu was screaming at her uncle over the phone...

"No need to worry, I sent Uzamaki Naruto, he's ah,..., the leader of the anbu! Yeah, that's it...," The Hokage lied.

Just then, Kakashi walked into the hokage's office. " I appear to missing one of my genin... Do you know where Naruto whent?"he asked, totally blowing the hokage's cover!

"WHAT! YOU SENT A GENIN," Akagewasu screeched,"You! You! how dare you! I'M GONNA TELL ALL THE OTHER 'KAGE'S TO GANG UP ON YOU! YOUR GONNA PAY, WHY I ------" her yelling end abruptly when the hokage slammed the phone back on to the reciver.

'how trouble some',he thought sounding just like Shikamaru. 


	3. Chapter 3: Enter Haku and Konohamaru

--I own nothing, i see nothing, i know nothing...---

(A/N:In this story, zabuza and haku have never met naruto or Kakshi before. Slightly AU- no land of waves story ark)

Chapter 3: Enter Haku and Konhamaru (oh, and zabuza...but no likes him...:)

It was 2:00 and Naruto had been sleeping under the tree this whole time. Kohitsuji woke him up and insisted they start thier journey now, so that they'd arrive on time. Naruto yawned and stood up, obeying Kohitsuji. THAT, ramen better be worth all of this, he thought.  
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Back at the hokage's office:

Konohamaru ran in to the office. He looked angry at first, but then looked puzzeled. "Ah... I came here to tell you somthing, but I cant remember what it was...um... OLD MAN! I WILL DEFEAT YOU! No,...that wasn't it. Oh yeah. You sent Boss off on a mission by himself? You shouldn't have done that! Let me go after him and help!" He said.

"Konohamaru, you can't just-" Ring!.The hokage picked up his phone. It was Tsuchikage. "I just recived a written request to 'puch you in the face.  
Mind explaing?"he asked.

The hokage rolled his eyes and shewed Konohamaru away with his hand.  
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"I can't belive that Gato turned us down for that job. Little pest,"said Zabuza, ramming a kunai into the ground.

Haku looked at him silently.

"So, do you ahve those updates for me Haku?"Zabuza asked.

"Yes, sir. There's been a request for an assasin in Sunagakure."

"Nah"

"The Akasuki needs help on a mission"

"Nah"

"The hokage's great nice is going to be traveling from hidden light, to hidden leaf and her defence force seems mediocre"

"Perfect". 


	4. Chapter 4: The plan and the plot!

---------Please reveiw!I beg of you!----------

--------- Naruto:NOT MINE!---------------------

(Kohitsuji means lamb.)

Chapter 4: Konohamaru's Plan and Zabuza's Plot!

"Well, what did he say?"asked Moegi.

"Erm...ah...well, he didn't say anything...He's just senial! I'm the honorable grandson and I say we go help Naruto and cousin 'Suji!", Konohamaru replied.

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"Yeah, when i'm hokage i'm gonna make all the konoichi my person servants!", Naruto cheered.

"You do know that you're talking about over-throwing my uncle,right?", replied Kohitsuji.

Naruto grunted and contined to walk. It was 3:30 now. With some luck, they'd be in hidden leaf the day after tommaro.  
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Haku smield as a squirrrel ran across his path. He was in the woods gathering up some healing herbs, while he had the time. Zabuza had said that they'd leave to serch for the girl in an hour.

He continued to walk, when he saw a boy and a girl walking, 'Probably lovers or somthing', he thought,'no need to disturb them.'

Then he noticed the boy's hitai-ate. With out a second thought, he aimed a throwing needle at the boy's neck. He fell to the ground, unconciuos.  
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"Naruto!", Kohitsuji screamed as she kneeled down. She propped him up and gently pulled the needle out.

"It would apear that i've found you with more ease than I had intended upon", said Haku as he aproched Kohitsuji, sporting his phantom mask.

The two then looked to thier right, to see zabuza. "Good work Haku", he said coldy.

"What's going on? Who are you? What did you do to Naruto?", Kohitsuji asked.

Zabuza smirked under his bandages.  
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"I thought you said you knew how to drive!", Moegi yelled from the passenger's seat of the hokage's car. (A/N:In the first naruto movie, there are cars). Moegi and Konohamaru had hot-wired the car, and Konohamaru was attempting to drive up the path to hidden light!

"Are you kidding, i'm only 8!", Konohamaru screamed as he barley missed a tree.

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"As the hokage's great-nice, you can tell us about the fire country's secret jutsus, and then when we've learned them; we'll sell you to the higest bidder!", Zabuza explained demonicallly.

Kohitsuji trembled with fear. She wished Naruto would wake up! "But...but I'm not a ninja! i dont know the first thing about uncle's jutsus!", she replied.

"Even if your telling the truth, then we can still find out, by holding you for ranson, and MAKING the hokage tell us!" 


	5. Chapter 5: We're Headed East!

----- Naruto,"I belong to me! (and massashi kishimoto!)" (spelling?)------

I-Love-Haku: Plot and Kohitsuji are mine!

Chapter 5: We're heading East (Well, Haku and co. are, but Konohamaru's headed north:)

Kohitsuji was still trembeling with disbelief. Haku walked toward her, and snached Naruto out of her arms.

"Sir?" He asked.

"Eh. Tie 'em and leave 'em", Zabuza replied.

After tieing up Naruto, Haku grabbed Kohitsuji, and slung her over his shouder.

"Hey!WOE! What's going on? PUT ME DOWN!", She screamed as she flialed about, pounding her fists on Haku's back.

"May I silance her, Zabuza?", Haku asked, still wearing the mask.

"Nah.It's nice to hear the milotic sound of screams for a change", he answerd.

"YOU SICK PERVERT PHYCO!", Ko yelled, "Where are taking me anyway?"

"Were headed east as of now", Zabuza replied.

Haku and Zabuza the took off at lightning speed, leaving Naruto to his nightmares.

-  
The next day:

GURGLE!BLURT!SPLAT!KA-BLAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

"Hey, what's wrong with the car?", Moegi asked as it made one last cry for help,then stopped. Smoke was rising from under it's hood.

"Erm...the ah...carberrattder (misspelled on pourpose) is...ah...taking a nap...?... yes... you see... cars get sleepy and have to nap, just like people. Really, you should know that Moegi, everyone does!", Konohamaru replied.

"STOP BEING STUPID!", Moegi yelled as she bobbed konohamaru on the head. "Looks like we'll have to walk..."

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'I can't belive their still running! it's been almost 24 hours! I have a new respect for naruto... yuck! That sure left a bad taste in my mouth', thought Kohitsuji.

Last night, she'd been very tired, but she certainly wasn't going fall asleep in the arms of a criminal!  
Despite her best efforts, she'd spent most of the night, slipping in and out of conciousness.

Kohitsuji had a tendancy to be bold. Audacios even. She had only acted so fearfull yesterday because she'd been so shocked. Now, since she couldn't hurt them physically, SHE'D SHREAD THEM WITH HER WORDS! BWAHAHAHA!

"So, there's somthing I want to know,"She said.

"Umph', Zabuza grunted in responce.

"Does human meat taste like chiken? You seem like the right person to ask...", she said, smirking.

"DON'T DEFILE LORD ZABUZA WITH CANIBOLISTIC ACCUSATIONS!", Haku growled, digging his nails into Kohitsuji's leg.

Zabuza was silent for a moment, then said"...YES..."

Kohitsuji cringed. To much information!

Haku blushed. (under his mask). He was mad at him self for not knowing Zabuza had actually eaten people, then he had made that staement, that sounded like he thought it was bad! (Haku did think it was bad. But he didn't want Zabuza to think he didn't respect him.)

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"Konohamaru you air head! Nobody knows where we are and we've been walking for a whole hour!(an hour...heh...WEAKLING!)" Moegi whinned.

"HEY!Look at that!", Konohamaru said, pointing to a big orange blurb in the distance. 


	6. Chapter 6:Konohamaru and Naruto team up!

Haku,"I-Love-Haku, dosen't own Naruto. But would some one please tell her to quit stalking me!".

I-L-H,"Shut up, you know you love me!".

Haku," Your worse than sakura..."

Chapter 6: Konohamaru and Naruto team up!

"So, where exactly is this place 'in the east', Do you have some kinda of 'evil layer', or somthing?  
'Cuase that's really cliche' you know", Kohitsuji asked Zabuza.

"We don't have an official place of residence. If your going to be all perticular about it, then YOU can pick the next cave that we stay at", he ansewed.

"A CAVE! Aww man, I hate caves!"

-----------------------------------------------------

"BOSS! BOSS!", Konohamaru shouted, "Wake up!"

"Stop eating all of my ramen...OH THE HUMANITY!', He whailed in his sleep, "Heh?"

"Boss! What happened? Where's Ko?", Moegi asked.

"What! You mean she's not hear? CRAP! Now I'll never get THAT ramen!Wahhhhhhhhh", Naruto cried.

"Whoa! Hold the phone!", Said Konohamaru, "What do you mean That ramen? Did grandpa say he'd give it to you?"

"Yeah, whadda you care?"

"That's a family airlume! (spelling?) I'm sapuosed to inheirit it! Grandapa you meanie!", Konohamaru yelled.

"Shut up!", Moegi yelled. "Boss, TELL US WHAT HAPPENED OR ELSE!"

-----------------------------------------------------------

Zabuza stopped running suddenly, and Haku did as well.

"Heh. Here looks good.YOU!", he said pointing to Kohitsuji,"PICK ONE!"

"mmmm...caves suck..." Kohitsuji mumbled,  
"Ummm. That one."

Haku nodded and put Kohitsuji on the ground.

"Yeah! I'm free!", She said twirling around.

Zabuza handed haku the bag he was carrying, and Haku left to put thier things in the cave.

"Now then, it's only 3:00. I say there's still time to lean a jutsu or two today", Zabuza said , looking at Kohitsuji.

He grabbed a kunai and pinned her against a rock. Haku walked back out side.

"Alright, girl. Teach us a jutsu you know", zabuza growled.

'Hmmmmmmm. He said a jutsu I know... not a land of fire jutsu...Interesting', Thought Ko devilishly.

"Alright,"she said. "The first one has three hand sighns. This one, this one, and this one", she demonstated them as she spoke.

Zabuza and Haku looked at each other and nodded.

1...2...3...POOF!

Kohitsuji, fell over luaghing with tears in her eyes. She'd just watched them preform the sexy jutsu!  
She was now gratefull for Naruto's talkiveness. He'd told he the hand sighns yesterday.

Haku had still had his mask on (so add that to you visual! hee-hee-hee), but zabuza looked really mad. They bolth undid the jutsu's, and Zabuza aproched Kohitsuji. "What was that? Wench!"

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"Ok", said Konohamaru,"I say we work together and try to follow the trial of who ever knocked you out and took cousin Ko'."

"Alright, but I suck at following trails...", Naruto replied.

"Perhapps I can be of service", said a voice from the buhes.

"W-Who's there?", asked Moegi.  
-------- 


	7. Chapter 7:Enter Kiba!

Zabuza,"Naruto belongs to kishimoto-sensei.But after I slice him up, He won't belong to anyone. MAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA".

Hinata,"Jerk!"

Chapter 7: Enter Kiba!

"W-Who's there?", asked Moegi.

Kiba and Akamaru walked out from the bushes.

"It's me, kiba. I follow the honerable grandson here to make sure he didn't get killed", Kiba answerd.

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"HOW DARE YOU TRICK LORD ZABUZA!", yelled Haku, throwing a needle at the ground by Kohitsuji's feet.

"It wasn't a trick! He said to teach him a jutsu I knew, and I did!Nah!", she yelled back, sticking out her tounge.

Zabuza picked up a rock and crushed it to powder. He growled and said,"I'm going for a walk."

He walked away and Haku bowed to him. When haku looked back up though, Kohitsuji was standing above him. She snached his mask, and threw it like a frizbee, smashing it on the rock.

Kohitsuji grabbed one of (um... you know those two ponytail kinda things he has in the front? well, one of those.) She pulled his head close to hers.

"Your kinda wired looking...", she said mockingly.

Haku growled and knocked Kohitsuji to the ground.

"You broke my mask! It's not like I can just go and buy another one!", he growled.

" Gimme a break! It's not like I can fight you, and I certianly can't fight the steriod crazed freak that just left... So if I can annoy you... Well, then it's more fun for me! NAH!"Kohitsuji replied, sticking her tounge out again.

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"Ok, I'm gonna help you guys find this girl... but only if I get a share of the speacial ramen!"-Kiba

"NO!"-Konohamaru

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"-Naruto

"yes."-moegi.

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A/N: Akagewasu comes back next chapter:)

- Anko won't be in for a while though... 


	8. Chapter 8: Akagewasu goes crazy

The disclaimer song: Sung to the tune of, this land is your land.

Sung by:I-Love-Haku, Naruto, Ino, Sakura, and Choji (whose voice is slightly muffeld, and i think you know why:)

Naruto-oooooooooooooooooooooo o is o-owned,  
by Masashi, Kishimoto,  
please don't sue me,  
plaese don't sue me,  
Not in Konoha...or sunaga-a-kur-ayyyyyyyyyyyy,  
and please remember,  
that Haku's not gay,  
and please, please,please, please,  
review-uuuuuuuuuuuuu TODAYYYYYYYYYY!

Konohamaru,"My poor ears! wahhhhhhhhhhh"

Sasuke,"You people suck"

Shino," I just rented 'a bug's life'! Any one wanna watch?"

Chapter 8: Akagewasu goes crazy (well, more so than usual) and Kohitsuji finally figures out somthing odvoius! (yeah)  
-  
RING!RING!RING!

The hokage looked at phone. 'Should I, or shouldn't I?', he thought.

He finally decided to answer it.MISTAKE!

"UNCLE HOKAGE!PUT KOHITSUJI ON THE PHONE!", Akagewasu srceeched.

"I can't, she hasn't arrived yet"-Hokage (i dont feel like writting out all the 'he/she said's for this part.)

"What! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOUR SELF UNCLE! KOHITSUJI'S BEEN MURDERED BY CRAIZED POLITICAL ACTIVISTS!NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY BABY!"-Akagewasu

"What? That's not what happened! She just isn't here yet. She wasn't even sapoused to arive 'till tommaro!"-Hokage

"EXCUSES, EXCUSES! YOU MAKE ME SICK! I'm hiring detectives, ninja's, cia members! I've gotta find my baby! Or at least whats left of her you decrepid sorry excuse for a GENIN!"-Akagewasu

"Akagewasu, please don't hire anyone to find her! I'm sure she's fine! Also, I'd apreciate a little more respect"-Hokage

"THAI IS ALL YOUR FAULT! IHATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I. HATE. YOU!"- Akagewasu.

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"Now then," instructed Haku," You can set up your things over there."

Zabuza wasn't back yet. It was 7:00. (that night).

Kohitsuji unrolled the roll-up futon that had been in her bag. She placed some books on the gorund next to it, and left her clothes in the bag. Haku walked tward her, and set up some of his things near the other side of the futon.

"Um... what are you doing?", Kohitsuji asked.

"It gets very cold in this region. It's better to sleep next to some one, so you don't get sick.", Haku replied.

"This whole situation is making me sick ,if your really that health-oriented!", Kohitsuji growled.

Haku and Kohitsuji bolth leaned twards the center of the futon. They bumbed in to each other and pulled away very quickly.

"Um...", said Kohitsuji, touching Haku's chest, then retreating.

"Um...", she said again, doing the same thing.

"Either your a boy, or you just have really bad luck...", she mummbled awkwardly.

"I'm a boy. You didn't know?", Haku asked.

"Woah! This just whent up a notch on the This-Sucks scale! You pervert! No way you'll sleep in the same futon as me! Go take a cold shower!", Kohitsuji screemed.

"That was only sugested for mutual warmth. I'll do whatever Zabuza thinks I should, though.", Haku replied.

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"Alright, Akamaru says they definatly went east.", Kiba told the group.

"How are we sapoused to travel east? The car me and Konohamaru brought here broke down, and I certainly keep other with you guys!", Moegi said to Naruto.

"Bark b-bark bark bark", Akamaru. (Translation: I'll fix the car!)

"Don't wory. Me and Akamaru got your back. Oh, and for future refernce, two 8 yr. olds shouldn't be driving! You couldda died!"- Kiba

Moegi sighed. "Yes sir".

-  
Back in light country:

"Alright boys,"said Akagewasu to a big group of all sorts of specialists, "FIND KOHITSUJI".

"Don't worry. We'll find Miss Akachan"

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(A/N: Akachan is Their last name. It means Baby.

So, ther'er Baby Lamb (Akachan Kohitsuji)

and Baby cow (Akachan Akagewasu)

Next chap.: Kiba and crew find Haku and Kohitsuji and all choas breaks lose!

P.S.- I don't own a bug's life, or 'This land is you land'! 


	9. Chapter 9: Kiba and Naruto arrive

Special thanks to: White Alchemist Taya, eternalwing15, YumiDarkness, A Dallop A Daisy, and every one who has beening reading this :)

( I hope you'll review, though...)

Disclaimer song: The sequel!

Feturing: Zaku and Dosu (Spelling). (Not Kin, though, I don't like her. I'll put an auother's note explaining it at the end.)

- Kishimoto, and shonen juh-uuuuuuuuuuump,  
oh, are the owners, of NARUTO-OOOOOOOOOO,  
No i don't own him, and niether do you-uuuuuuuu,  
unless your the shonen jump guy, in which case please don't suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue,  
I'd like to point out though in case you didn't know-ooooooooooo that zabuza-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh IS A WIERDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-

"Die you dirty Otonin!", Zabuza.

Otonin,"Hey, I-Love-Haku is the one that wrote the lyrics!".

Chapter 9: Kiba and Naruto Arive

"Yeah this is awsome! I should work on 'Pimp my Ride'!", Kiba yelled as he pumped his fist out the window of the re-hot-wiered car.

"How is a 12 year old driving, any better than an eight year old driving?", Moegi asked Konohamaru.  
He shruged in reponce.

Kiba was driving, Akamaru was in the passenger's seat, and Moegi and Konohamaru were in the back seat. Naruto, however, was strapped to the roof the the car, holding on for dear life.

"You Idiot dog-boy! How dare you make me ride on the roof!", Naruto yelled against the wind.

"Akamaru is the one that helped me fix this! And you wouldn't expect two little kids to have to ride out-side?", Kiba answerd mockingly.

It was the next day, at 10:30 in the morning, and Kiba and Co. were making great progress.

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Zabuza had never retuned, but Haku didn't seemed worried.

He was sitting in the grass out side the cave, sharpening some kunai, and Kohitsuji was glaring at him.

Last night, at around 11:30, Haku put his weapons in order and got into the left side of the futon. He layed on his stomach, and closed his eyes.  
Kohitsuji, certsinly wasn't going to sleep next him, so she grabbed her pillow and tried to sleep a few feet away from the futon's right side, on the nasty cave ground (Yuck!)

After about at half an hour though, she couldn't take it any more. Haku did have a piont; it was very cold. Kohitsuji sood up and walked over to the futon, desperatly hoping that Haku was asleep, and that he wouldn't notice her. She was wrong. As soon as she had lied down on her back, Haku turned right-side up , drapped his arm across her stomach , and burried his head into her neck. (All with out opening his eyes, too :)

Kohitsuji was completly shocked by this!

PERVERT!

JERK!

IDIOT!

MEANIE! (?)

All sorts of insults rolled through her head (it was a bit warmer though). She didn't do any thing last night (she was to shocked), however, this moring, Haku awoke to find a note pasted to his head that said," YOU SUCK- I HOPE YOU DIE!"

That was more than two hours ago though, and now, as Kohitsuji glared at Haku, she was thinking of ways to exact her revenge!

All of a sudden, a car came speeding into view.

"Cousin Ko'!", she heard a familiar voice yell.

"Heh. So your the big scary kidnapper huh," said Kiba getting out of the car." I can't belive Naurto got taken down bt such a sissy! Even if he is Naruto..."

"Kohitsuji! We've come to rescue you!", Naruto cheered, jumping of off the roof.

Haku stood up and grabbed a trowing needle.

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(End of chap.)

A/N: The reason I hate Kin tsuchi, is becuase i had a dream that me and Haku were dating, but that that Otonin witch seduced him and they were making out in a mall parking garage! GROSS!  
I actully really liked Kin, before THE DREAM THAT CHANGED EVRYTHING!

Anyway, in case you people didn't know... I'm a girl!

Reveiw I beg of you! If you do, you'll get magical powers! ;)

lol... 


	10. Chapter 10: Haku vs Kiba & Naruto

Disclaimer: Do you REALLY want me to make up another verse of the song? Personally, I think you've had enough and I refuse to be known as The Cheesey Sequel Lady! 

However, I'd like to menchen that I don't own 'Pimp my Ride', which was menchend in the last chapter.

Thanks to: Meadowcroft. Thanks for the review:), If your wondering when your promised powers will kick in... um... er... they take a few days... yeah that's it:)

Also, thank you to all of the readers who I know will review for me:) I do love reviews!

Haku," So ha! You admitted to loving somthing orther than me!".

Um. Alright, fine then, I just, really really like reviews:)

-Haku leaves.

Eh who am I kidding? I LOVE REVIEWS!

Chapter 10: Haku vs. Kiba, Naruto, Moegi and Konohamaru

"Naruto! Cousin Kono! Thank goodness your here! This guy's a class-A perv.!", Kohitsuji screemed.

"Now then. I would really rather not fight you.", Haku told the group.

"WELL THAT'S TOO FRICKIN' BAD! You brought this upon yourself!"Kiba yelled.

Kiba and Naruto charged at Haku. Naruto created some shadow clones and Kiba used that 'man-beast' thing (I can't remember the name...).

Haku thew some senbon at thier feet. "I wish you wouln't do that", he said to them.

"Hey! I don't wana just stand on the side lines! We should help!", Konohamaru said to Moegi.

She whispered somthing in his ear.

"But are you sure that will work?", he asked.

"Don't worry! It's fault proof, I saw it on an episode of Bobobo-bo-bobo! (Lol!A/N: For all of you who don't know what anime that is... A/N at bottom)", she resured him.

"CRYSTAL ICE MIRRORS!" (Crystal... demon, pataytoe patatto).

"Oh no! were traped!", yelled Kiba.

"Not for long!", siad Naruto, who then transformed into a gaint snow cone maker!

" Do ya feel...Lucky?", he asked.

Kiba grabbed the snow cone maker and started shaving the ice of the mirrors!

Haku undid the jutsu.

"DON-PATCH HAMMER!", yelled Moegi as she ran over to Haku and hit him with a green onion!

Haku made a big gust of wind that blew her into a tree and dissapeered.

"No one does that to the sexiest konoichi at hidden leaf (they say preschool in the show, but she's 8) elementary!", She got up and could see Haku. She charged at him.

"1,000 years of death!", she yelled jamming the onion up , ah, you-know-where.

"MOEGI!", Haku screemed. Haku then turned into Konohamaru.

"Konohamaru! What are you doing!", Moegi asked.

"I was trying to confuse him!", he answerd.

"By doing what? No matter what you turn onto, he's always gonna know that he's him!", she yelled.

"Er... IT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS!"

Kiba fell to the ground when about 60 senbon hit him in the back.

Naruto made a break for Kohitsuji, but Haku appeared and picked her up.(bride style)

"Naruto!", she yelled as he deflected Haku's senbon with a kunai.  
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Mawhahahahaha... the battle shall continue in the next chapter!

A/N: Bobobo-bo-bobo ( I love that show! I also DON'T own it.) is the best anime in existance in the 'Random' catagory. No really! You should watch! It's really funny:) (Don patch is an other random phyco who's friends with Bobobo. He has 'Don patch Hammer' and 'Don patch Sword', wich are atually just green onions:)

Please review! (hmmmmmmmm... Maybe I'll make a 'Review song'...)- right now though, all I can do is beg!


	11. Chapter 11: The Return of Zabuza

-Disclaimer: The only thing I own is a ' My Pictures File' full of Pictures of Haku. (Sigh, I'm such a perv. ;) :) ;) 

Special surprise: Check out 'The Review Song' after you read. (I said AFTER:)

Chapter 11: The Return of Zabuza (who no one likes!)

"PUT ME DOWN!", Kohitsuji screemed.

Haku looked down out her. "Please tell your friends to retreat, I don't won't to hurt them", he said.

"I think that ship's already sailed", she replied sarcasticly.

Kiba slowly got to his feet. Moegi ran to him, and helped him pull the senbon out. (Konohamaru was still in about year 300 :)

"THAT'S ENOUGH!", Screemed Naruto.

(cue fight music :)

Naruto foucused all his chakra to his hand and made a giant rainbow chidori. (Like in the first movie :)

'DANG!', thought Kiba.

Not to be shown up, Kiba tossed Akamaru a military rations pellet (which turned him in to a second beast-Kiba) and the two charged at Haku, with Naruto next to them.

POOF!

All of a sudden the whole area was covered in mist. A senbon whizzed through the air and hit Akamaru. It had missed his heart, (in the human form) only slightly, but had immobilized him. He fell to the ground and changed back to regular-Akamaru.

Kiba heard Akamaru cry, but couldn't see him. He tried to use his senses to smell him, but a second senbon hit him. Kiba fainted.

Meanwhile... Naruto chidori vs. Haku!

Haku (who was still carrying Kohitsuji) was tossing senbon at Naruto and running from him. Naruto was keeping up though, and was blocking the senbon with a kunai in his right hand. Naruto lunged at Haku, with the chidori aimed for his throat. But right before it made contact...

Naruto fell to the ground and the chidori disappeared. Naruto, Moegi, Konohamaru, Kiba, Akamaru and Kohitsuji were all paralyzed.

Haku caused the mist to clear and could see Zabuza. "Hn. Apparently the orange kid called for back-up.", Zabuza said.

"Sir,"said Haku, putting Kohisuji on the ground, "Thank you. I promise I'll be swifter, when in battle, from now on."

"Hn. Tie them up. Put the girl back in the cave."

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The much Anticipated, 'Review Song!' :) ;)

(not sung to any known tune)

Please reveiw-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

I beg of You-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

I need to know, just how you feel-lllllllllllllllllllllll

Do you hate it, do you like it? does it have any appeal-llllllllllllllllllllllll

When i see that none of my review-u u 's are new,

I sit at home alone, thinking only of you-uuuuuuu...

Review!

- :) hope you like the song :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)


	12. Chapter 12: Akagewasu's Backup

Disclaimer: Insert 'The Disclaimer Song' Here :) 

-Sry, this chap's gonna be short.-

Chapter 12: Akagewasu's Back-up

Just as Haku had finished tieing up Naruto and crew, Dozens of Ninja's and cops poped out the bushes. ( The one's Akagewasu hired, unfortunatly, the CIA was busy :) Haku glared angrly..., not at any one specifically, but this whole situation was really starting to tick him off!

Anyway, while he was busy ramming senbon into peoples necks, and Zabuza was busy slicing people up, one of the ninja's grabbed Kohitsuji's right arm. Another ninja apeared and grabbed her left.

"Hey! I grabbed her first! I'll be the one to claim the reward!", The frist screemed.

Soon they had Kohitsuji in the middle of an arm-tug-of-war.

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"Hm.", said the Hokage...,"Kohisuji and Naruto should have been here by now... maybe I'll send some one to check on them... just to be safe..."

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Kohitsuji was still paralyzed, but i'm sure if she wasn't, she'd screem," Let me go! I'm not some prize ticket! WHY DOES EVERYONE BUT ME SUCK SO MUCH?".

The two ninja's were screeming and Haku came flying flew the air yelling,"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!". He then jammed a kunai into bolth of thier throats at the same time. (You don't want to annoy Haku:)

Then he threw needles dipped in paralyzing poison at every one left. He tied them all up, and stacked then on top of Naruto. (Dogpile! Haha!)

"SIR?", he asked in his creepy voice.

Zabuza smield. He was glad Haku was so enthusiastic (spelling?).

Zabuza then took everyone and put them on a ship headed for canada and they were never heard of again!  
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)>:)

(A/N: Don't worry, this isn't the last chapter :)

INSERT 'REVIEW SONG' HERE!


	13. Chapter 13: The Hokage's BackUp

Disclaimer: Naruto: Property of Hinata, (and Masashi Kishimoto >:) 

Chapter 13: The Hokage's Back-up >:)

Zabuza poured the paralisys antidote down Kohitsuji's throat. She slowly started to move and said, "Oh. You again..., I've been meaning to ask you...Do you tweeze or is that just really good wax?".

-Zabuza glared

-Haku glared

-Kohitsuji smirked.

"Perhaps I should have left you paralyized!"-Zabuza

"Huh!"-Kohitsuji

"HAHA!"-Haku (silently >:)

"Anyway, I was sapoused to arrive in Konoha today. When my uncle sees that I'm not there, I'm sure He'll send some ANBU out here to beat the crap out of you!", Kohitsuji informed the two ninja's.

Zabuza didn't seem frightend by this, and whent out side. Haku followed and so did Kohitsuji.

All of a sudden, two kunai hit the ground on bolth sides of them. As soon as they hit... FIRE WOKS ERUPTED FROM THEM! KA-BOOM! FIZZLE,FIZZLE!

"PRESENTING... THE BEST JONIN IN KONOHAGAKURE NO SATO!..."

Big puff of smoke appeard, and out from it walked...

"MITARASHI ANKO!".

"Heh.Well, if isn't Anko. I haven't seen you since that rondevous in Sunagakure...", Zabuza replied.

"You know Anko?", Kohitsuji asked Zabuza.

"Yeah, how do you know her?", he asked.

"Um... Anko's kinda my second mom... it's a long story...Wait a second! Yeah! Anko came to rescue me!", Kohitsuji cheered.

"Rescue you? Some one wanna tell me what's going on?", Anko asked.

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10 minutes later...

"Oh I see!", said Anko as Zabuza and Haku walked back to the cave.

"So what are you ganna do Anko, and more in portantly, how you know the Eyebrow-less wonder?", Kohitsuji asked.

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A/N: Review or the Anbu will attack you >:)


	14. Chapter 14: We're Staying

Chapter 14:We're Staying >:)

"Gross! GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!", Kohitsuji yelled, "You can't be serious! HIM! B-but, but why? Did all the other side show acts leave him behind or somthing?"

"Oh, don't be such a drama queen. He's not that bad," Anko replied.

"Not that bad! He kidnapped me! An-and you used to _date _him? If this isn't the makings for a soap opera, then I don't know what is! I think I'm gonna hurl!", Ko yelled, "So what are we gonna do any way? Your gonna take me to Konohagakure right?"

"Erm... Well, ah... let me talk to Zabuza," she replied.

Anko then walked in to the cave and Haku walked out.

"Grrrrrrrrrr... I bet Anko could take you," Kohitsuji mumbled angrly at Haku.

Haku remained silent.

A few minutes later, Anko and Zabuza walked out.

"Well, it looks like we're staying...," said Anko.

"WHAT!WHAT!HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?", Ko screemed.

"Calm down. You know you have to do what I say, remember?" Anko replied.

"YOU'D HOLD _THAT_ OVER MY HEAD! MY ART CLASSES ARE SAPOUSED TO START TOMMARO! TOMMARO ANKO! YOUR RUINING EVERYTHING!", Kohitsuji shouted as she ran into the cave.

She picked up a kunai off of the ground and started cutting all of Haku and Zabuza's things in half. Haku walked into the cave. Kohitsuji gave him a wild glare and ran over to the futon. She sliced _it_ in half and tossed the right side across the cave.

Haku wlaked over to Kohitsuji. "That's where you can sleep! You have to leave me alone now!", she yelled. Haku kneeld next to her and grabbed her wrist. She'd cut it with the kunai, with out even noticing it.

" What are you doing?" she asked.

Haku grabbed some cloth and bandaged up Kohitsuji's wrist. She looked up at him, and he looked her in her eyes. They stayed like this for a minute, and Kohitsuji started to clam down.

She then realized what was going on though, and pulled away from him. She mumbled somthing that sounded like "mmmmorrry mmm 'er cuting mmmmup your books..." and crawled in to the half a futon, covering her head with the blanket.


	15. Chapter 15: Mommy Anko

Chapter 15: Mommy Anko 

Kohitsuji had fallen asleep in the futon and was just waking up now. It was 8:00 at night. She walked outside the cave and saw Haku cooking somthing over a fire.

"Where did Anko go?" she asked quietly.

"She left with Zabuza for... a date. They said that would not be back for a while," Haku answerd.

Ko cringed. What did Anko see in that big freak anyway?

"She also said..." Haku started," Um,... never mind. So... ah... what's your connection to Anko agian?"

Kohitsuji sighed. "Well, it all started about two years ago. I was visiting Konoha for the first time, and uncle Hokage was very busy. So, he assighned Anko, who was still a chunin at the time, to be my body guard, and...well, tour guide. So anyway, I wanderd away from her and out of the village, because I wanted to sketch the forest on it's outskirts. Then, a big group of perverted jonin cornerd me, and they were all,' hey little girl', and I was all, 'get away from me!'. Then, just as they were about to aproch me, Anko appered, and one of the jonin said,'wait your turn', and Anko said 'I ain't a lesbian!', and she said it really nasty. But then she noticed how strong and mean they all were. Luckily, she wasn't wearing her vest or her head band, or they probably would have beaten her up right there. So, the same guy said, 'who are you?'. Then she told 'em that I was 'Kohitsuji-sama' and I was the Hokage's _Niece_, and that she was my mom, the Hokage's _sister_.

The guys seemed a little intimadated by that, and asked her to please not tell the Hokage about this. Then they ran off. Anko brought me back to uncle Hokage and told him everything. The Jonin were then demoted all the way back to Genin for what my uncle calls, "Un-exemplary behavior". Uncle also said that since my mom, Akagewasu, never travels, that is would be good to have some one be my 'second mother' for when I'm in Konoha. So the records were changed and in the land of fire, Anko is basically my mom. That's why I said," and you'd hold _THAT_ over my head?"."

Haku thought about how strange this all sounded. He also thought about himself. Two mothers? He didn't even have one anymore...

!FIZZLE FIZZLE!

Haku looked down at the fire and grabbed the fish he was cooking. They were on skwers, and he handed one to Kohitsuji. She raised an eyebrow, thinking of it's crude preperation. She began to nibble at it and asked," So, how do _you_ know _Zabuza_?"

"Well, our initial meeting was becuase of a sring of events. He helped me back then, and I help him now. That's all," Haku answerd shyly.

Kohit nodded and they continued to eat their fish. Haku remembred what Anko had said before she left.

"You two should go on a date too"  
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(end of chap)

Ko's dead fish on a stick says,"I-LOVE-HAKU doesn't own Naruto."

Haku's dead fish says, "Review or you'll end up like me!"

Choji says, "No one understands me! WAHHHHHHHHHH!"

-Sucks his thumb- 'Hmmmmm I taste pretty good!'

MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH.

Next chapter: Lifestyle

Plus, a special bonus! 'The Rock Lee investigation'! Is it possible rock lee is actually a real person? Find out when I release my findings to the public!


	16. Chapter 16:Lifstyle pt1

Chapter 16: Lifestyle pt.1

The next morning, Kohitsuji was sitting on a tree stump outside, and Anko walked up to her.

"Hi Kohitsuji-chan!", Anko cheered.

"Mitarashi-san,"Kohit grumbled annoyedly.

"Aw, don't be like that...,"Anko replied.

"Fine then. _BENIDICT ANKO!_" Kohitsuji corrected.

Anko sighed. "That's enough, we're going to resolve this now! So then, what's bothering you?"

"**HOW.DARE.YOU._RUIN MY LIFE!_** _**Myartclassesweresapousedtostarttoday,And,andthenthere'sthatboy-girlfreak,andIhavetosleepinacave,andZabuzasmellsbad,and**_ I HAVE TO SLEEP IN A FREAKIN' CAVE! How dare you force me to live a lifstyle I'm not acusstomed to!" Ko yelled.

"Lifestyle,huh? Interesting word Ko. I guess I'll just have to break you into the lifestyle of a ninja. What seems to be the first problem?" Anko asked evily.

"Well, for starters, I haven't taken a showerd in days,"Ko wailed.

"So,HA! I can fix that!" Anko led Kohitsuji to a rock-surrounded lake near the cave.

"What am I sapoused to do with this puddle?" Ko asked.

Anko smirked evily!

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10 minutes later:

Kohitsuji stepped into the lake wearing a towel.

"COLD!COLD,"she shrieked as she became shoulder deep,"Stupid Anko,...cold water...no plumbing..."

Suddenly, she heard somthing behind her.

"ANKO! What are you doing here?"she yelled.

Anko, also wearing a towel replied," Oh? Like you wouldn't run away if I left you alone? Anyway, let's gossip, I hear you had a hot date with Haku last night! Is he a good kisser?"

"SAY WHAT? I didn't have a date with Mr.woman!"

"He said you did"

**"I'll kill him! I'll leave a horse head in his bed, I'll cut off all his hair and strap it to a bottle rocket aimed at his face! I'll submit a picture of him to playboy magazine,"Ko yelled**.

"He didn't diclose any _deatails _if that's what your worried about." (a)

**"Anko you perv!"**

"Alright,alright.So you _didn't _have a date with Haku, _witchmustabeenpreetycrazyifyourtoshytotalkaboutit_." (a)

"It's ok, I'll just get my revenge later. So, what's next on this lifestyle list anyway?" Kohitsuji asked.

"Well, I noticed that you've been wearing that blue silk kimono since I got hear. You should wear more durable and climate apropreate outfits." (a)

"My clothes were to be sent to the Hokage's office. The only other outfit I have with me is a red Kimono. By the way, I've been in that dirty blue one since I was taken here,"Ko replied.

"You can borrow somthing of mine." (a)

"Then I'll look like a stripper." (k)

"That's kinda the point." (a)

"ANKO, Don't make me muzzle you! Ack, I guess I'll just have to wearthe red one." (k)

"No, I have plans for your red kimono" (a)

"?" (k)

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Behing a rock, Haku had been listening.

"Haku, come here please." (z)

Haku walked back to the cave and over to Zabuza.

"I think we need to have..._a talk._" (z)

"?" (h)

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End of Lifestyle, pt. one.

And now, as promised, BA-BA-BA-BA! THE ROCK-LEE INVESTIGATION!

(Part one)

Hello there, ladies and gentlemen. It's time for me to finally unvail my findings to the public.

It all started three weeks ago at barns and noble bookstore (wich I don't own.) I was sitting in the Cafe' section drinking a vanilla bean frapachino (the big one, wich one is that again?) I was browsing through the latest volume of 'One piece', when suddenly, the door to the establishment flew open. In side walked a reporter and a camrea crew. It was apperntly a live news report.

"Hello, this is Sonia Hootencogle, A.K.A. 'The bookbutser'." she said into the camera. "I'm here to give you the truth about the latest rumor surronding the 'Naruto' manga" She then held the first issue up to the camera.

"Despite the current rumors, the character 'Rock Lee' is not based on a real-life friend of Kishimoto-sensei. Niether is his fiction teacher Gay sensei (some one whispers somthing to the lady) oh... I mean Gai senei."

The person at the table next to me, slammed their fist on the table at the mispronunciation. At this time, I noticed that he was wearing a black hooded coat (picture organization 13) how very odd...

To be continued.

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Things I don't own:

-Nauto (or any of it's charters.)

-Kingdom Hearts two (or organization 13)

-The word 'Hoootencogle' (It's one of Rose's crazy words from the golden girls)

-The horse head thing. (It's from the godfather.)

Things I do own:

-Kohitsuji

-Akagewasu

-a Hatred for Kin Tsuchi

REVIEW OR ANKO WILL TELL EVRYONE ABOUT ALL OF YOUR DATES!


	17. Chapter 17:Lifestyle pt2

Chapter 17: Lifstyle pt.2 

"What exactly are you planning to do with my red kimono?" Kohitsuji asked.

"Nyahahahaha! You'll see. So anyway, let's get out now, I want to teach you some self defence." Anko replied.

The two girls got out of the lake and changed back into thier regular clothes. Anko led Kohitsuji to a clearing out in the woods to atempt to teach her the basics (and I do mean basics) of kunai throwing and hip throws.

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Back in the cave:

"So, I've heard from Anko that you've taken a... liking to the Akachan girl. If that's true then... um... (Zabuza wasn't good at father/son type talks.) Well, if you upset her, then Anko will be mad at me, so just do what she wants. However, I don't want you becoming to attached to her. There may still be a need to eliminate her eventually." Zabuza explianed to Haku.

"Sir you have nothing to fear. I'm not draw to her in the way that Anko expressed, however I will try to keep her happy if it will effect Anko-san in a possitve way." Haku replied. He then smield and bowed.

* * *

2 hours later:

"Gack! You keep doing it wrong!" Anko yelled.

"Who cares! If enemy ninja attack then I'll just pull Haku in front of me as a shield! I'm very tired Anko! Can I please go now!" Ko yelled back.

"Alright, fine but no running away!"

Kohitsuji sighed and layed down on the grass behind some trees. See pulled her ipod (yes! ipod!) out of her kimono pocket (do kimono's have pockets?) and started playing the song: I'm holding out for a Hero by Frou Frou.

'Do dum da da dum da da dum kavay'

* * *

Haku left the cave and whent to go find Anko. 

"Um... Konichiwa Mitarashi-san. I want to ask you somthing, if it's alright." he said to her.

"Sure, what's up Haku"

"Well, er, you told Kohitsuji-kun that I told you we whent on a date, and you told Zabuza-sama that I've taken a liking to her." (h)

"Hey, your the one that said that you two had a romantic fire light dinner!" (a)

"Mitarshi-san, all that I said was that Akachan-kun and I ate some roast fish and talked alittle. Now I fear that she's mad at me becuase she thinks I told you that something else happend."

"Ok, ok. So maybe I exagerated just a bit, but I really think that you two should date! Besides, I know your Kohitsuji's type. She can be frustrating and she needs some one with patience. Also, she's really mad at you guys for taking her here. If she had some one to entertain herself with then maybe she'd be happier. You know, if she's happier, then I'm happier, and if I'm happier then Zabuza is happier, and you know what, if he's happier then he'd probably be alot kinder to you, so it all works out in your favor in the end." Anko explained.

Haku bowed and sighed and walked deeper into the forest. He saw Kohitsuji on the ground.

'I can feel his approach like fire, in my blood...'

"This is depressing," thought Kohitsuji. "I wish some one like the guy in this song would come and rescue me! How am I ever gonna graduate with out my learning certificate from Konoha art acadamy? And then that freak Haku has to go spreading rumors!"

Now, Kohitsuji was very stubborn, but at this moment she was also very upset. She let a single tear fall from her cheek and turned the volume up with the click wheel.

Haku saw her crying and felt horrible. He used transformation jutsu to turn himself in to a cat and walked near Kohitsuji. She glared at the cat at first, but then called it over. She contined to listen to the song and stared to pet him.

'He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast and he's gotta be fresh from a fight'  
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Ok sry 'bout the quick chap!

Anyway, if you guys have any sugestions, feel free to include them in the review. (I have a plot but, doesn't everyone like to be included in a story?)

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Dum da dum! THE ROCK-LEE INVESTIAGTION PART 2!

After the man slammed his fist, he got up and walked to the back of the bookstore. I felt like an adventure, so I follwed him.

I saw in the manga section. He had a bag full of colored pencils and was coloring Rock lee and Gai's pictures, as well as a few of Tenten and Neji's. He was also drawing Red hearts around the pictures of Sakura.

"Hey you!" I shouted. "Don't mess with stuff that ain't yours!"

He turned twards me and ran away, leaving the colored pencils and manga behind.

I chased him out of the store, enjoying all the exitement. I followed him untill he ran into a huge house and closed the door. I looked up and noticed that the house was green!

I whent around back and saw a swimming pool. Next to it was a sign that said 'The Springtime Of Youth'. How very very odd...

Review please! Review The Rock Lee investigation too!


	18. Chapter 18: The date pt1

"Nyahahahahahahaha! Those foolish readers! They don't know that by the time they read the last chapter, they will be brain washed and become my evil zombie minions of doom! Nyahahahahaha!"

Haku, "Every one can hear you ya' know."

"WHAT! Why didn't you tell me!'

Haku,"Well, the little red light _was_ blinking."

"Why you! You've spoiled my plans! YOU! YOU! Kiss me you fool!"

CRASH! BANG! ...beep...beep...STANDBY...

"Umm... Umm... That was my evil twin."

Ok, anyway... what's this? The rock Lee investigation is going first! Yeah! Who dosen't love (to hate) Rock Lee?

* * *

The Rock-Lee investigation Part Three: 

I saw an open window and climed into the house. The first thing I saw was... AN AVACODO FRIDGE? Yuck! Thier sooooooooooooooooooo ugly! Anyway, inside were botles of water labeld 'Springtime of youth fresh spring water.'

The hooded man walked in to the room and I asked, "YOU DRINK WATER FROM YOUR POOL?"

The man grunted and threw a green vase at me, wich I dodged. He made a break for it and I chased him around the house. These objects cought my interst as ran.

1. A lage wheel with an arrow attached to it that you could spin. 3/4 of backround was Sarkura's picture, and the other 1/4 was Tenten's.

2. An other large wheel with half Neji's picture, and half Sasuke's. Their was a sign that said 'Who should die first'?

3. A book that said 'Things about me and Gai that no one needs to know'

4. Sakura hentai! (just kidding)

I continued to run and was able to jump on the strange man. We fought for a minute, but I was able to pull his hood back to reveal...

* * *

Chapter 18: The date pt.1 

The next morning Haku and Kohitsuji were sitting out side. Ko was sketching and Haku was gathering herbs (he did that alot.) Don't think Ko never got her revenge though, Haku awoke to find another note. This one saying: Androgenous and seeking enlightenment.

Suddenly, the two saw misletoe, on a fishing hook, dangling in front of them. Ko got very angry, very fast, and grabbed the hook, pulling hard.

Anko fell out of the tree. "Oh, hi. I was ah...fishing for squirells..."

Kohitsuji stood up and grabbed the back of Anko's shirt, pulling her twards the cave. Haku just stayed behind. He's to cool to let his herb-picking be disrupted.

"ANKO! YOU PHYCO! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I'M NOT ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED IN THAT FREEEEEEEEEEEEAK!" Ko screemed.

"Really Kohitsuji, you should be nicer to me. Especailly after I made you a present." Anko replied.

"Present? What present?" Kohitsuji asked.

Anko smirked and the two walked back to the cave. "Well?" Ko asked.

"Hmmmmmmmm. I'll give it to you, but you have to wait untill tonight." Anko told her.

"ACK! What am I sapoused to do for fun untill then?"

"MAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA **THIS!" **Anko then strapped her to a chair (I don't know where the chair came from) and slattherd her with make-up!

Eyes: Dark pink

Lips: Bright Red

Nails: Silver

Cheeks: Orange-red

Hair: Geisha style with combs

Moral of this story: **_NEVER_** let Anko give you a make over.

Well, Anko spent ALL day making-up Ko (and trying to get her to stop screeming.)

"THIS FREAKIN' PRESANT BETTER BE WORTH IT YOU SKITZO WITH A MAYBELINE COMPLEX!" Kohitsuji yelled.

It was 8:00 and thier was a full moon outside ('I bet she turns in to a warewolf' thought Ko).

Anko then blindfolded Ko and handed her a piece of clothing to put on. She held up a mirror and Ko turned pale. "W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w WHAT THE #$#!$$#$#$ DID YOU DO TO MY RED KIMONO! I look like a freakin' call girl!" she shrieked.

Zabuza, who had just enterd the cave, said," I wouldn't call you."

Anko had completly mutilated a very expensive red silk kimono. She turned it into a strapless dress that barly coverd any of Ko's thighs. She also gave it sleeves that attached seperatly, right above Ko's elbows. They were very long and drapey (look a new word!). Also, thier was choker made out of it's disgarded material. The material itself, I should add, was a very bright red with silver swirls.

"W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME? DID YOU RUN OUT OF BARBIES OR SOMTHING! IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A PRESENT!" Ko asked/yelled.

"No, no Ko. That's not the present."

"THERE'S MORE...OH NO...OH NO...ZABUZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Please kill me! Please please plaese! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I wish I was dead!" Ko whialed.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic. Besides, you wouldn't want your mascara running." Anko said as she pushed Ko out of the cave.

She then ran back inside and put up a barrier so Ko couldn't get back in. "Walk 40 paces into the woods and you'll find your present. I'm not letting you back in untill tommaro morning! See ya'!" She yelled.

Ko sighed and counted 40 steps in to the woods, half hoping a bear would eat her on the way. She looked up and saw Haku sitting next to a candle-light dinner, set up on a blaket.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Um... well, Anko set this all up for us. I only came because Zabuza-san asked me, so...ah..."Haku answerd.

Kohitsuji couldn't stand it anymore. She had an emotional break down and started balling. Haku stood up and walked her over twards the blanket, putting his arm around her. They sat down and Ko cried," Anko's trying to force me to be all slutty and I was sapoused to start my art classes, and I'll never get an education and I'll be dumbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I miss my mom!... (blahblahblahblahblahblah...)..."

Ko gripped Haku's shirt and rested her head on his chest. Haku didn't really know what to say, he just rubbed her back. Listening to her made him think of all the terrible things that he'd been though, and , for the first time in years, he felt like crying a little bit too.

* * *

To be continued, after all, Anko did say they had to stay out all night. 

Also, the final installment of the rock lee investigation will be coming next chapter:)

-I own nothing!

-I-L-H


	19. Rock Lee investigation

Ok, this isn't the next chapter, this is the last part of the rock lee investigation, the next chap will be coming soon, probably tommaro.

I don't own Naruto, Review or be reviewed! Wait... that dosen't sound threatening enough.

Haku,"Your not sapoused to threaten people."

Ok... I guess it's all good then, Anyway, Onward with the last installment of the Rock Lee investigation!

To reveal...

"I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-Itachi-san!" I screamed in disbelief.

"Alright, alright, I admit it! I love Rock Lee so much I want to_ be _him! Is that so wrong? I'm a green beast in a Uchiha's body! Oh lee-sensei! Share your youth and wisdom with me! Why don't they undestand?" Itachi whailed.

"Umm... you _do_ know Rock Lee is a manga character, right?" I asked,"And umm... how is it that your real?"

"You couldn't possibly understand! I'm a real person, and the character Itachi was based on me! But, as I read more and more of the manga, I began to understand. 'Tis a cruel cruel world, for I was sapoused to have been born as 'Rock Lee, manga character'. Why oh why was I born a human? Why oh WHY was I born _Uchiha Itachi_? Wahhhhhhhhhhhh! Gai-senseiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii pull me into the manga and embrace me in your endless youth!" Itachi was on the floor crying and mumbleing somthing about sunsets.

I pulled my hair into a bun and put on some dark-rimmed glasses. This was going to be a _long_ day!

To be continued in... Itachi's Therapy pt.1!


	20. Chapter 19: The Date Part 2

A/N: Ok, so…. I didn't update this for like two years . I'm REALLY sorry. Although, looking back at my story now, you guys probably thought that all of my spelling errors were funnier than the actual story! Please realize all I had at my disposal back then was Notepad, which doesn't include spell check. Anyways, I'll probably end the story soon so it will be finished, once and for all. I might even go back and replace the older chapters w/ spell checked versions. (Man was I desperate for reviews OO….)

Chapter 19: The Date, Part 2

Kohitsuji continued to cry and Haku wasn't quite sure what to do.

"My mother…" he started.

"Hmmm?" Ko looked up at him with watery, but curious eyes.

Haku blushed and looked the other way, regretting he'd brought it up. Ko wouldn't stop looking at him though, so eventually he spoke again. "She… died when I was very young. My father died soon after."

"That's so sad! I'm sorry…" comforted Ko, apparently forgetting her alleged hatred of him.

"That's how I met Zabuza… He'd found me when I was impoverished and left for dead… "

"You poor thing! No wonder Zabuza is so important to you!" Ko sympathized as she hugged him. Suddenly, she noticed something.

"Are you wearing… perfume?!" she pulled herself away quickly and starred at him awkwardly.

"No! My skin just naturally smells likes flowers…" he protested, slightly angry that he had just confided his deepest darkest secret in someone who turned around and acted disgusted by him.

Kohitsuji observed the look of disappointment on his face and quickly realized her insensitivity. "So… anyway… Tell me about your mom. What was she like?"

Haku paused for a minute, reviewing his happy memories of her, and trying his best to ignore the unpleasant ones. "She… she had long beautiful black hair, and a sweet, quiet voice. Her face was round and beautiful and during the times when it wasn't snowing she loved to go outside and scavenge for any flowers or herbs that had survived the cold."

_Sounds like someone I know…_ thought Ko as she sweat-dropped. She then stood up and said, "See, there's your problem."

"What you mean?" asked Haku. He was confused even further when she leaned over and stuck her hand up his shirt. "W-What are you doing?"

Kohitsuji pulled her hand back out, clutching one of his kunai. _She wouldn't try to attack me, would she?_ Considered Haku.

"You gotta stop living in the past, or you'll never be happy!" She pulled Haku in close to her, and in one quick motion, cut off his entire bun of hair. All he could do was stare at the discarded tresses in shock. "If you keep acting just like your mom, you'll never be able to get over her death! You have to grow up and be a man!"

_Be a man?_ He thought. Haku considered himself a weapon, so he didn't really ponder things like how "manly" he was.

"Did you hear me? I said be a man! Stop wearing pants that puff out everywhere and putting girly metal clips in your hair, what's left of it anyway! Buff up, eat some meat! And for goodness sake stop picking herbs!"

_She's certainly acting pretty self righteous for someone dressed like a prostitute…_

"The only person who has need of me, and the only person I spend my time with is Zabuza, and he doesn't need me to be a man, he needs me to be a weapon."

"Haven't you ever, even once thought about getting married and having kids, or something like that? Come on, all teenage boys think about girls!"

"That's none of your business!" Haku blushed, "But I suppose…. If she were like my mother…"

"Will you get off you mother for 2 seconds?! Were you in love with her or something, cuz you act like it!"

Haku stood up and glared at her, "Don't you dare talk about my mother that way! Mind your own business, you're so obnoxious!"

Kohitsuji looked him over. With his long hair cut short and the commanding tone in his voice, he was almost… sexy….

"Ok, let's make a deal," said Ko, caught up in the moment, "I want you to quit acting like a girl and you want me to quit being annoying right? How about if you act more like a man, I'll act more like your mother?"

"Deal." He agreed, surprising himself at how the word just blurted out of his mouth. There was an awkward silence following his response for a moment.

Ko broke it with heavy sarcasm in her tone, "Now, now, time for bed my little Hakky-kins. You don't want to be cranky in the morning do you?"

"That's it, deal's off!" Haku yelled, apparently not amused by her display.

"Wait, wait! I'm still fine-tuning. How about this?" Ko changed her voice to barely audible whisper, 'You must be tried Haku. How about getting some rest, since we won't be able to go inside until morning?'"

"F-fine…" Haku stammered as he sat back down on the blanket. He turned away and blushed _That__ really DID sound like my mother…_

Ko blew out the candles and laid down as well, WAY on the other side. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but then realized she was freezing in her strapless dress. She curled up into a ball and tried to warm herself but it was in vain. Suddenly she felt something warm. Haku had draped his jacket over her.

"Here… mom."


End file.
